I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
