im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
