Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
