I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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