Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize