We won't sleep together?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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