I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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