fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
