kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
