i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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