Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
wow bdsm is so cute
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
