I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
