they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
