Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
