It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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