goodnight i made you a song goodbye
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
