I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
