Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
