Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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