i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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