you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
