We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
