I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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