You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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