apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
