A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
