Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
