Well apparently he's into motor boating.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
