so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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