Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
