I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
