So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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