The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize