At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
