I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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