so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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