Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
