I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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