I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
