just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
