i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
