I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
