I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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