im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
