none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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