I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
