I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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