I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
