Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
