I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
