I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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