Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
