Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
