You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
