I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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