Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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