Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
