Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
