a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
