At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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