it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
