ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
