Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
