alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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