I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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