Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
