he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
