I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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