the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
