Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
