I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
