You're my little dorito
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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