woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
