She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
