So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
two words...techno handjob
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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