Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
