So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
