im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A bitchslap is in order.
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