I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
