When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
