mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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