I can tuck mytits in my pants
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
