Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
