if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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