I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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