At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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