Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize