this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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