I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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